Who are you listening to?

I made a big decision this week, and that decision came with a whole host of emotions and thoughts for me, and lots of reactions from others. And it got me thinking about whose words I listen to, and what sort of weight I give them. When should I listen to others, and when should I be listening to myself?

Who am I listening to?

The Purple Polar Bears

Am I listening to the people who don't understand me? Who don't listen back to me? Who want me to play small to their ego or status? One of the best pieces of advice I got was not to take advice from people I wouldn't trade places with. Borrowing the words of Brian Keane, I call these folks the purple polar bears. A purple polar bear is nonsensical - you think of it, and go "oh right" as it has no meaning. I'm learning that for people who are purple polar bears, those folks you wouldn't switch places with, we should treat their words with interest rather than with weight. It doesn't mean that you should stop listening to them. You can lean into their words to find if there is any truth in what they are saying. And use those nuggets of truth to improve, to keep becoming the best version of you. In those cases, you need to focus on the constructive element of what is being said, rather than the source from which it comes.

But sometimes these people aren't offering you nuggets of wisdom to improve. Their words are designed to hold you back, to make you question yourself, or deliberately make you feel small. Walk away from those words and believe in yourself, in your value and power. True leaders never need to blow out anyone else's candle to make theirs burn brighter. We should never shrink ourselves to fit in spaces that we have outgrown.

Myself

I often talk to the people I lead about the importance of your self talk, and how that can impact you. How are you talking to yourself? Negative self talk is debilitating. It's insidious, as we start to believe it and make it our truth, which limits us from reaching our true potential. But was I taking my own advice? How was I talking to myself? I realized that my own inner critic was out in force, and instead I should be remembering that I am doing the best I can with what I know right now. I know I'm not perfect, but that's OK, as that's called being human. And once I was striving everyday to become a better person, I could cut myself some slack. A good exercise to help with negative self talk is to talk to yourself like you would your best friend, or your sister, or someone on your team. If you wouldn't say it to them, then don't say it to yourself.

Being mindful of how we speak to ourselves is important. I try to practice mindful speech by asking myself 3 key questions:

1. Is it true?

2. Is it kind?

3. Is it necessary?

The point is not to filter your thoughts, but rather be conscious of the words we use, especially to ourselves.

Those around you

You know that question you get in most interviews where they ask, "how would X describe you"? I'm always a little embarrassed thinking about that, and a little worried about what someone will say! (the critical self talk popping up there I think). But then people reach out and say kind things to you, and you listen to them, remembering that yes, that's what I've been striving to be.

Just some of the kind things that people said to me this week:

"I feel that there is so much more I still have to learn from you"

"You are a hard worker and determined for sure"

"I think you are VERY important"

"You are the strongest woman I have come across in my life. I really look up to you for many things. Remain the same always"

"You keep being you Heather cos you are amazing and always have been"

"You are going to be a huge success in this world, that much I know for sure"

Thank you to those people, for reminding me that these are the values and traits and I want to see in myself, and inspire others to.

At the end of day, I think we should listen to the call to greatness, and follow that path.